


Watashi no R

by ezrealisms



Series: League of Legends Drabbles [1]
Category: League of Legends
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Other, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:35:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26458045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ezrealisms/pseuds/ezrealisms
Summary: 「 hey, don't do it. 」the words just kinda slipped right out my mouth. not that it mattered to me anyway - it just didn't sit right with me that someone got there before me./ /-- warnings for suicide attempts, self harm, and suicidal thoughts. do not read if you're triggered by such things. --
Series: League of Legends Drabbles [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1923361
Comments: 8
Kudos: 7





	Watashi no R

**Author's Note:**

> this is a lyrics fic. the translation for the song, わたしのアール (watashi no R) that i'm using is located here!:
> 
> /watch?v=M1KQpprwRyU&ab_channel=Zanyash
> 
> the animatic inspired me greatly to work on this and get back into flexing my writing brain. i hope you enjoy.

* * *

「 when i was about to take off my shoes on the rooftop -  
a girl with glasses was already there.  
despite myself, i called out to her.

 **hey, don't do it.** 」

* * *

A pale hand turned the doorknob towards the rooftop garden. The view from the roof was lovely, and while the garden was sparse it was still fragrant in the gentle autumn breeze. Blonde hair blew into his eyes as lithe fingers, calloused from sketching, began to pry off a sneaker. He stopped, however, hearing the sniffles of a young woman, the cries of a broken heart and soul. Blue eyes peeked upwards, a twinge of annoyance deep within his gut. She had beaten him there, her flats already off as she stood in stocking-feet on the ledge, looking downward.

_"Hey, don't do it."_

The words came from his chapped lips before he could stop himself, the girl turning her head and staring at him. Tears flowed from those violet eyes, wetting her glasses. She seemed to listen to his words, needing someone to talk to - to talk her out of a finality such as jumping from that rooftop. With a gentle hand he lead her back over the gate, sitting down with the girl.

"What's your name?"

Through a soft hiccup, accepting his silent offer of a tissue, a rather gentle voice came from her lips.

"A-Alune..."

Her hands played with the lightly dampened tissue, his blue eyes observing Alune. She was small in height and somewhat chubby, but more cute and gentle. Her entire appearance screamed gentle soul, and with her brilliant white hair and soft, violet eyes, she would have been the subject of one of his sketches.

"I'm Ezreal."

A tiny smile appeared on her lips, her fingers coming up to take glasses off of the bridge of her nose in order to clean them. After doing so, she took a soft breath, tumbling into a small story. It was one Ezreal had heard before, one that made him want to slap her.

"I thought we were meant for each other... I just really wanted him to like me back..."

His fist hit a pot, making a loud noise despite the pottery staying intact. The pain in his knuckles didn't subside, but Ezreal did not care. A rather annoyed and fierce gaze was leveled with the heartbroken girl, his voice a bit high pitched in his anger.

"Are you kidding me?! The nerve you have to get here before me for such a tame reason! You're upset because you can't have what you want? You're lucky enough that you've never had anything stolen from you!"

Alune jumped at the noise from him striking the pot, and from Ezreal's pitch and tone. A hiccup came from her again, a few more tears spilling - but this time, Alune had a smile. Ezreal was... Right, actually. There wasn't a reason for her to go, not when it was over something so silly. She felt somewhat embarrassed, having reacted in such an immature way. Standing up and slipping into her flats, she spoke softly, offering Ezreal a tiny, tear-streaked smile.

"Thank you... I feel better now that I've talked about it... I should return to my brother's side... Have a good day, Ezreal."

And with a flick of her wrist to open the door, she disappeared.

* * *

「 _all right, i'm gonna do it today,_  
i thought.  
but just when i was about to take off my shoes,  
i found a short guy there  
and i ended up calling out to him again. 」

* * *

A soft sigh as he walked up the stairs to the rooftop again, opening the door. Before he could even reach for a sneaker, however, Ezreal spotted a short young man on the ledge, white mohawk stark against his dark skin. Despite himself, he called out once more, ticked off internally that someone else had gotten there before he could.

_"Hey, don't do it."_

The guy's shock at someone else coming up there made him pause, hopping over the gate again to stare at the newcomer. Ezreal took in his appearance - somewhat like a teen delinquent, his head mostly shaved patterns: the white was natural, at that. Piercing eyes the color of night, dark chocolate skin that looked completely flawless. If Ezreal had to be honest, he couldn't find a flaw that would make such an attractive young man feel like ending it all.

"Who are you?"

The tone was almost accusatory from the mohawk, and Ezreal felt another twinge of annoyance in his gut.

"I'm Ezreal. And you are?"

A pregnant pause filled the air, sea staring into night before a response was given:

"I'm Ekko."

They sat, and Ezreal gently implored on what was going on to push him to come up here and want to make such a final decision.

"I'm pretty lonely in class. Everyone ignores me. Everything's stolen from me. I don't belong anywhere."

The annoyance bubbled over, Ezreal giving Ekko a rather harsh glare. His tone became angry, defensive almost, as he began to speak to him again.

"Are you kidding me?! The nerve you have to get here before me for such a tame reason! Despite all that, you're still loved at home, and there's always dinner waiting for you, right?"

Tears poured from Ekko's eyes, ones he didn't realize he had been holding back. Such words, despite the harsh tone, hit deep - his parents were still there, still loved him dearly despite the numerous amount of school troubles. With a shaky hand, he wiped one eye, giving Ezreal a thin grin.

"You're right. I'm hungry... Thank you, Ezreal."

With a sniffle, Ekko disappeared down the stairs, leaving Ezreal alone - much like Alune the day before.

* * *

「 just like that, i spoke to a few of them.  
and i talked them out of it.  
while i myself can't share my pains with anyone... 」

* * *

Ezreal hoped that this time, he would be alone. But there was someone on the rooftop. Days had turned into weeks of preventing others from leaping off, but this time, something felt different. The girl's hair swayed gently in the autumn breeze, her dainty figure encased in a yellow cardigan. Ezreal could see, however, the bandages peeking from underneath the cardigan - she was like him.

Something in his gut **twisted**.

* * *

「 for the first time, i've found  
a girl who has the same kind of problems as me.  
after i've seen a few of them,  
i met this girl wearing a yellow cardigan.

 _i came here, hoping to erase_  
_the bruises that keep increasing_  
_every time i come home._ 」

* * *

Sea met sky as their eyes met, Ezreal standing there in shock. His gut was twisting, all original feelings of annoyance and anger becoming a feeling of a pitfall. She, in stocking-feet, seemed to not notice his frozen state. Chapped lips parted, his mind racing on how he could proceed.

「 _the words just kind of slipped from my mouth._  
_it didn't really matter to me either way._  
_but i ended up saying to her_  
_something even i myself didn't quite believe in:_

 _ **HEY, JUST DON'T DO IT...**_ 」

The girl seemed to consider his words, despite his rather shaky voice. Her form seemed to almost dance over the gate as she gave him a rather soft smile.

"What's your name?"

Her voice, as light as the sun and as clear as bells, rang through his brain and seemed to warm up his state. Ezreal managed to answer, tears welling up in his eyes. She was just like him - hurting the same way. And here she was, having beat him to a possible end, dancing around his vision and giving him a smile as gentle as a sunflower.

"E-Ezreal..."

A light giggle, airy despite the rather dire situation, slipped from her.

"I'm Luxanna."

* * *

「 ah, what should i do?  
i can't stop this girl.  
i don't have the **right** to stop her.  
but even so, just go away from here -  
it's too painful for me to look at you. 」

* * *

Watching him crumple, Luxanna seemed to freeze, contemplating things. Ezreal couldn't look at her, he knew he had no right to stop her. She was going to jump, and it terrified him to know she would be his next failure. Her words, clear as day despite how soft they were spoken, made him freeze.

"I won't do it today, then."

She offered him a light smile, disappearing down the steps just like Ekko, Alune, and all the others had.

* * *

「 there's no one here today.  
it's just me, myself, and i.  
no one can get in my way.  
no one would get in my way for me. 」

* * *

Ezreal blinked - no one was here. Today was the day. A tight smile, one of someone resigned to a final action, slipped onto his lips. Fingers dug into the heels of his sneakers, pulling them off slowly. Left in a neat row next to a freshly bloomed sunflower pot, his lithe body climbed over the gate and stood on the ledge. With a careful hand, his glasses were removed and placed on the gate, his cardigan being removed next and hung on a post. Tears poured from his eyes, a light smile coming across his lips.

"Hey, just don't do it... Huh..."

Bandages littered his arms, covering bruises and cuts. Ezreal stretched for a brief moment, one foot hovering in mid air before he let go of the gate, his mind disappearing into melting white as he fell faster, faster, and _faster_ —

* * *

「 taking off my cardigan,  
removing my glasses,  
this short guy  
is going to _jump_ now. 」


End file.
